today's cao shuang's birthday and i'm supposed to be happy. but hey, guess what. i'm not. i feel such a failure. well, forget it lah. i'm already numbed. no feeling alr. so be it. sigghh. i've tried everything to make people happy. now who's the one who would make me happy? yeah, i would've guessed it. none.

tears come easily. real easily. esp. these few days. seriously, i can't til next year. when i can be a new person again. i really want to change. change into a person to be loved. and be happy mann. it's tough to act as if you're very happy outside but actually crying inside. it's hard okay, it just is. yes, failure. i know it myself.

bahh. common test is coming. siann. i've decided to strive hard mann. and make it to the top 40. yes, it's impossible. this is what i call self motivation. because there's practically no one to motivate me. no one to even say that they want to.

there's a lot of people sad nowadays. i don't know why but there are. please. look at themselves. actually there are people who are sadder than them. people who nobody cares. people like me. they are actually much more fortunate can. oh mann, i'm going to cry. fuck.